You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
