Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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