Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You were trust falling into bushes
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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