So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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