Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
