Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
