i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
