I can't watch pbs sober anymore
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
