There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
