My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
