'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
