What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just want nice things and good sex
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
