Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
