I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
