I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
