Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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