You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
