Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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