I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize