News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
