She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
