Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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