hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
