everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
