You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
