the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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