and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
