I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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