I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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