She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
