peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize