we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
