My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
