Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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