It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
