even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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