Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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