forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
