Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
