Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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