Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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