Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
