I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
