I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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