I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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