Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
