i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Randomize
