Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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