I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
