Your face is a jimmy john
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
