I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I have grass duct taped all over my body
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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