do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
