i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
