So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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