Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize